If there is one business where rumors never stop, it’s the professional sports arena. At this time of year, rumors are abundant, especially in the cities of professional football teams. Here in Indianapolis, the rumors surround our future hall of fame quarterback, Peyton Manning. Will he heal from his neck surgeries and be able to play next season? If so, will he stay in Indianapolis? Or will he go?
Everyone has an opinion. And these opinions are turning into rumors. Even actor Rob Lowe has gotten in on it. He tweeted that Peyton was not going to be around another season. How does he know? Well, he’s friends with the Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay, so people thought that he does have the inside scoop. …
Continue reading "In the absence of good communication, rumors fill the vacuum"
Posted by Jean Palmer Heck in Sports. Leave a Comment
Discussions about death are always difficult. A good friend of mine is having crucial conversations with hospital personnel about her elderly mother, who has had numerous strokes in the last several months. It was mentioned that her mother might need a feeding tube. My friend was unaware of the ramifications this action would have on “Do not resuscitate” (DNR) orders that her mother had previously signed. Since her mother lived out of state, but was admitted to a local hospital here, the hospital did not have the DNR order.
Laws may vary in each state. And this is NOT a website offering legal advise. You must see an attorney for that information. This website is about the human side of difficult conversations.
I am aware …
Continue reading "One of the Toughest–Conversations about End of Life"
Posted by Jean Palmer Heck in Bad news from a doctor, Difficult conversations, Personal conversations. Leave a Comment
A reader of Tough Talks™ in Tough Times: What Bosses Need to Know to Deliver Bad News, Motivate Employees & Stay Sane approached me recently and asked if she could get my communication advice on a very personal issue. Cara (not her real name) needed to have a conversation about the delicate subject of incontinence with her mother-in-law. At an upcoming family event, Cara was worried that her mother-in-law would have an accident, making it embarrassing for everyone. “We have to talk about it,” said the 50 year old professional woman, “but we don’t know how to discuss this particular subject.”
“My husband and I are concerned that she won’t visit the restroom often enough,” she explained. “How do we handle this difficult conversation? What …
Continue reading "Discussing a very personal issue"
Posted by Jean Palmer Heck in Difficult conversations. Leave a Comment
Difficult conversations take many forms. They can be one-on-one discussions about work issues or personal relationships. They can also be very public conversations that are in the form of a speech or presentation. The content itself may not be fear-inducing, but the act of getting up in front of a crowd may feel overwhelming.
Here is a video about overcoming the fear of public speaking. In it, I offer five proven techniques to make these kinds of tough talks even easier.
For more hints on speaking in public, Powerful Presentation Road Maps is now available as an ebook. Here’s a brief summary and information on how you can get a copy of it.…
Continue reading "When your ToughTalk is a Public Speech"
Posted by Jean Palmer Heck in Difficult conversations, Public speaking. Leave a Comment
Many difficult conversations are put on the back burner because people hope that the situation will resolve itself. In many cases, they opt for “taking a long walk” rather than having Tough Talks™ and solving the situation.
I recently spoke to the National Association of Mutual Insurance Companies Leadership Forum on the subject. This video is a segment from it in which I outline some of the difficult conversations that the participants face. I asked them if they would have the Tough Talk™ ? Or would they opt to take a long walk?
They might have walked before the session. But after it, they had a system, the CHECK® system to use.
Here’s the video. What would you do if you were in this …
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Posted by Jean Palmer Heck in Difficult conversations. Leave a Comment
Having a difficult conversation with someone, at work or at home, creates much anxiety for everyone involved. What are some of the mistakes that people commonly make? Here’s a video from a recent speech I gave to the National Association of Mutual Insurance Companies at its Leadership Forum in Omaha. See if you came up with the same answers.…
Continue reading "Biggest Mistakes with Difficult Conversations"
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One of the most common subjects that cause discomfort for many people are discussions involving money. Even with the instant, open communications that occur about a variety of topics, finances are still taboo for many. If you are a business person who offers a service for which you charge a fee, what happens when your client thinks it is too high, and gives you push back? It becomes a difficult discussion that you can’t put off.
Lois Creamer, a small business consultant and coach, whose company is called Book More Business, has a good way to handle the tough topic. She writes:
I suggest you talk about your fees as if they were a commodity. If anyone says your fee is to high, I suggest …
Continue reading "When Talking Money is a Difficult Discussion"
Posted by Jean Palmer Heck in Difficult conversations. Leave a Comment
Does the holiday season bring memories of controversial conversations, family feuds, or remorseful repasts? Is the dinnertime chat more heated than the candied yams? Do you want to stuff a sock in your sibling’s teeth instead of sausage and sage in your turkey? If so, you might want to consider studying the CHECK® system for handling difficult discussions before you head to Grandma’s house.
Expectations are high during the season. We all want a Norman Rockwell kind of holiday. But too much togetherness can bring out the worst in many people. Emotions run high and are often uncontrolled.
The CHECK® system is a 5 step system for handling difficult discussions. (And many discussions become difficult during the holidays.) The third step is …
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Posted by Jean Palmer Heck in Difficult conversations. Leave a Comment
Question: What’s a universal truth about difficult conversations? Answer: The anxiety beforehand is as harrowing as the event itself.
Yesterday I was doing a book signing of Tough Talks in Tough Times and I received visual confirmation of my research findings. I asked people to recall a difficult situation they have had or will be having in the future. As soon as I mentioned the face that the mere act of thinking about the discussion brings on as much anxiety as the actual discussion does, the heads began nodding. In fact, I don’t think there was anyone in the room who didn’t respond that way.
Before your next difficult conversation, you might want to look at this short video. It briefly explains what happens …
Continue reading "Difficult Conversations are Never Far Away"
Posted by Jean Palmer Heck in Difficult conversations. Leave a Comment
For many of us in the business world, teleseminars and webinars have become an integral part of communicating with peers, bosses, clients, customers and employees. They can be tricky especially if there are more than 3 people on the call.
Because they are another outlet for you to be in front of people, how you come across on them impacts your professional image. Jan Dwyer Bang, president of Boundless Results, a Seattle-based training and consulting firm, offer these etiquette suggestions, for the times when you are a participant in a group teleseminar.
- Turn off the “call waiting” feature of your phone during the call. For most phones, simply dialing *70 will allow you to disconnect this feature momentarily.
- Use the mute feature on your phone
…
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Posted by Jean Palmer Heck in Difficult conversations. Leave a Comment
It’s no surprise that surveys over the years show that one of the greatest fears people have is getting up in front of a group to give a speech. It ranks up there, if not above, snakes and death. Ever since my father encouraged me to try out for my high school speech team, I’ve been studying the art and science of giving speeches. The newest addition to the Tough Talk series of books and learning resources addresses that issue.
Powerful Presentation Road Maps is now available as an ebook. Here’s a brief summary and information on how you can get a copy of it.…
Continue reading "When You Dread Giving Speeches"
Posted by Jean Palmer Heck in Difficult conversations. Leave a Comment
Is money the ultimate motivator when it comes to work productivity? New research shows that money as a motivator works when the tasks are simple. But when cognitive skills are at play, autonomy, skill mastery and a sense of purpose are the three factors that lead to better productivity. Watch an innovative video about the subject by Dan Pink.
Continue reading "Cool Research on Motivating People"
Posted by Jean Palmer Heck in Difficult conversations, Motivating people. Leave a Comment
Credible leaders know how to tap into the hearts and minds of their employees. That involves constant communication. Sometimes those discussions are friendly; other times, they are tough talks about issues and circumstances that weigh heavily on all involved.
Even though employment statistics seem to be improving, times are still tough. Moving employees forward during these times is the result of a proper balance of realistic expectations, inspiring goals, and … as I always preach…constant communication.
People want to be part of a cause bigger than themselves. If they can find that in the workplace, they will be more engaged in the company’s mission. That’s your job as boss to make sure they understand the cause.…
Continue reading "Motivating Employees"
Posted by Jean Palmer Heck in Difficult conversations, Motivating people. Leave a Comment
Are you facing a difficult conversation at work? Are you putting it off, hoping the situation will solve itself? That’s not a good management strategy. Here are 4 problems I’ve identified that commonly occur when tough talks are avoided:
- In the absence of information, rumors will always fill the vacuum.
- Doubts about the economy turn into fears; fears, into rumors; rumors, into mental paralysis; mental paralysis, into lost productivity.
- Resentments can build when tough talks are put on hold.
- The person who must deliver the tough talk builds an emotional barrier, which does not help anyone in the long run.
If you are facing a difficult conversation, begin to get clarity about it. Figure out what you want to accomplish, think through all …
Continue reading "Avoiding a Tough Talk at Work?"
Posted by Jean Palmer Heck in Difficult conversations. Leave a Comment
See this blog post as a prezi video.
George Clooney got a dose of bad news the other night. And he got it in front of more than 40 million people who tuned in to watch the Oscars. Nominated for ‘best actor’ for his performance as a consultant who fires people in “Up in the Air,” he lost to Jeff Bridges in “Crazy Heart.”
I thought his performance review was ironic, in light of the character he played. It was his character’s job to deliver bad news for bosses who were too chicken to do it themselves. He’d give the bad news, pack his bags, and go on with his life, seemingly unaffected.
Granted, Clooney is an actor whom we want to watch work. I …
Continue reading "A Performance Review for George Clooney"
Posted by Jean Palmer Heck in Difficult conversations. Leave a Comment
I just visited my ob/gyn for a regular check up. As I was leaving and getting on the elevator, a young couple came out of the office, fighting back tears. Their grim faces said it all: they had just received bad news. My guess was that they had already had a lengthy discussion with the physician, had already spilled many tears, and were on their way home or back to work.
It broke my heart to be a ‘visitor’ of their pain–even for the brief 30 second trip. They were so evidently stunned, shaken and sad as a result of their tough talk. I honored them with silence during the ride. When the elevator reached the ground floor, I sent a silent prayer their way, …
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It seems like Hollywood has been following the same theme I have this past year–researching and creating works that focus on tough talks. As I wrote in a previous blog, and in several op-ed pieces, “Up in the Air” with George Clooney (both Clooney and the movie are Oscar-nominated) focuses on the tough talks that accompany job losses. He was a hatchet man who flew all over the country delivering the bad news.
I just saw a clip from another movie that involves difficult conversations–”The Messenger,” starring Woody Harrelson (Oscar nominated) and Ben Foster. ”The Messenger” focuses on what would be my worst nightmare–notification of a the death of a loved one in the armed forces. Having a son who has returned safely from 2 …
Continue reading "Oscar Nominated Movies Focus on Firing People"
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A few weeks ago I saw Up in the Air, with George Clooney as a ‘hatchet man,’ whose career is delivering tough talks to people, letting them know their jobs have been terminated. He travels around the country filling in for bosses who don’t have the skills needed to ‘let people go.’ As charming as George Clooney is, his character is not a nice man. Sure he looks good, has an efficient system for firing people, but he is more interested in getting frequent flyer miles than having his own real relationships.
George Clooney’s character, and the company he works for, is necessary because many bosses don’t know how to deliver tough talks–and they don’t want to.
While Clooney’s script has him saying most of …
Continue reading "George Clooney’s lessons"
Posted by Jean Palmer Heck in Difficult conversations. Leave a Comment
Is the economy rebounding? Who knows? One source says it is returning to normal. And then the numbers prove otherwise. In any case, the need to motivate employees in these tough times continues. Do you have examples of your company’s motivation efforts? If so, I’d like to hear them.
Gary Hall of Cattron Theimeg Inc. wrote:
“With all the layoffs and furloughs that are taking place due to business conditions, the employees are being left to bare the burden. Too many companies these days take employees for granted. I like to send people home unexpectedly with pay, even if is just a few hours. (Especially on) a nice Friday afternoon. I do this for hourly as well as salaried employees. The unexpected action is the …
Continue reading "How Do You Motivate Employees During Tough Times?"
Posted by Jean Palmer Heck in Difficult conversations, Motivating people. Leave a Comment
Please tell us your experience with a tough talk. Were you on the receiving end or did you have to deliver it? What happened? How did you and the other parties feel about it? Is there any advice you have?
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Posted by Jean Palmer Heck in Public speaking. Leave a Comment
