Here are some hints for motivating employees who come from the various generations:

Millennials–your youngest employees

• Appeal to their altruistic tendencies.
• Share with them the big picture–your mission statement–so they can feel a part of something big and make a difference.

Gen Xers 

• Give them instant feedback.
• Give them time off as a bonus when deserved.

Baby Boomers

• Share the profits.
• When sales increase, and their good work habits have played a part, give them monetary bonuses.

Veterans

• Show them respect.
• Dress and act properly so they respect you.

I recently went through a drive-in fast food restaurant after my yoga class one evening. After I placed my order at the franchise, well known for it’s consistent quality around the world, I drove up to the window to pay. Behind the cashier was a small office, with the door open. An adult women, whom I assume was the night time manager, was on the phone. I overheard her conversation, which was an unpleasant one. She was reprimanding the person on the other end of the phone for charging a purchase.

She was having a Tough Talk® that was probably necessary.  But how it took place was wrong for several reasons:

• She had a personal conversation at work that was overheard by a customer.
• The conversation escalated into a shouting match.
• The personal conversation reflected poorly on the franchise’s image.

The result was that my relaxed, after-yoga tranquility, was disturbed. Expectations of my customer experience at the franchise were not met. If I hadn’t paid (and been observing for a blog entry!), I would have gotten out of the line and left, goofing up their efficient food delivery system, which would have made subsequent customers mad.

Franchise owners, make sure you know what conversations are going on in your absence. Your customers do!

Here’s the reason:  When a person hears bad news, no matter what else they were previously thinking at the time, their minds and bodies immediately perceive a threat of some kind.  And when that happens, their sympathetic nervous systems are activated and release a rush of 1100 neuro-chemicals, according to Deborah Del Vecchio-Scully, who is on staff with Associated Neurologists of Southern Connecticut. These neuro-chemicals have to run their course. They can’t be stopped. The result is what each person described to me.

These emotions and reactions are further discussed in Chapter 3 of Tough Talks™ in Tough Times, where the CHECK® system is described in detail. The CHECK® system gives you a 5-step plan to make your difficult discussions easier.

When I was at the library the other day, a  book on the “New Releases” shelf captured my attention. It’s called Your Brain and Business: The Neuroscience of Great Leaders. It’s written by Snirivasan S. Pillay, M.D., an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School.  He writes about how brain science can be used on the job with business relationships, negotiations and change management.  A brief perusal of it has already turned up information I’ll want to share with you on this blog. So…stay tuned.  There’s more to come.

Colts owner Jim Irsay and fellow Colts executives had made the very difficult decision to let Peyton go and become a free agent. Peyton Manning wasn’t surprised. He knew that his health was still an unknown, his desire to play professional football was still strong, and his wonderful team was being dismantled to be rebuilt from the ground up…without him. He knew it was in the best interests of all parties for him to move on.

Both men appeared at the news conference together at the podium. They spoke with love, care, concern and integrity as they choked back tears, and jointly made the announcement that their long term employer-employee relationship had come to an end.

Indianapolis, my home town, is still mourning the news. I talked to many men who wiped away tears along with Peyton and Jim.

Here are 3 lessons  that all bosses can learn from that news conference:

• Acknowledge when it is time to move on and put the pieces into place as  quickly as is feasible. Prolonging the inevitable only adds to the pain for all parties involved.
• Be clear about the reasons for the breakup, firing, layoff, contractual ending. Communicate that message to the employee and all others concerned.  In this case, all others were the fans…or customer base…of the Colts.
• Emotions are a part of it. Honor your feelings.

Kudos to Jim and Peyton for the way this was handled.  My Colts hat goes off to both of you. Goodbye, Peyton. I will miss you and your excellent example of giving your all to your work, your city, and your fans. Jim, thanks for being a great owner.

Karl Ahlrichs, human resource consultant at Gregory & Appel, calls this “a core skill that will keep you on board longer than someone who doesn’t have this ability.  Not only will your division perform better,” adds Karl, “the organization will recognize managers who have this skill.”

CEOs in all sectors are concerned with performance management. The ability to keep, motivate, and engage good employees is essential. If you have a good track record in this area, you stand a much better change of surviving in these tough times.

Everyone has an opinion. And these opinions are turning into rumors.  Even actor Rob Lowe has gotten in on it. He tweeted that Peyton was not going to be around another season. How does he know? Well, he’s friends with the Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay, so people thought that he does have the inside scoop. But Irsay denied that rumor.

There are lessons to be learned from this scenario for those of us who do not have a staff of professional football players–those of us who work with mere mortals !

• In the absence of information, rumors will be spread.
• When rumors spread, morale begins to plummet.
• Resentments can build based on false information.

So bosses, do what you can to keep water cooler gossip at a minimum.  Communicate often. If you don’t say anything, your employees will make it up.

Laws may vary in each state. And this is NOT a website offering legal advise. You must see an attorney for that information. This website is about the human side of difficult conversations.

I am aware from my own experiences with my mother’s passing, that these conversations about feeding tubes were vital. They were so packed with emotion that it was difficult to grasp what was happening and the decisions that needed to be made with a clear mind.  I needed to be the advocate to make sure her final wishes were honored, her DNR. Fortunately, I had many family members who offered total support during this time.

We all had many tough talks about end of life issues over the years with Mom.  Of course, many tears were shed. But the fact that we had those tough talks with her made the decision I had to make a bit easier.

The emotions felt (the E in the Tough Talks™ CHECK® system) impact how we react in tough times. They make it difficult to remember exactly what is said and what steps must be taken.

I recommend that, during these difficult conversations with hospitals and doctors,
you have a friend with you who can be your note keeper. When your emotions are so raw and your heart so broken, it is almost impossible to function the way you must. It’s helpful to have someone who can think straight, take notes, and remind you of what needs to be done.

Thanks, Mom, for making my hospital tough talk a bit easier. You always were my angel.

“My husband and I are concerned that she won’t visit the restroom often enough,” she explained. “How do we handle this difficult conversation? What should we say?”

Difficult conversations become overwhelming when a person doesn’t have a plan. The topic or circumstances may vary, but the feelings of embarrassment, hurt, shame, sadness, etc., are bound to occur at some level in every unpleasant discussion. Understanding the elements involved in tough talks™ and practicing what to say ahead of time can mitigate them.

I advised her of the following:

• Make her difficult discussion a one-on-one conversation. Mom may feel ganged up on if both Cara and her husband talked about this sensitive issue.
• Think about the positive feelings that her mother-in-law can have if all goes well. Turn negative consequences around by focusing on good outcomes.
• Make her mother-in-law a part of the solution.

Here are the words I suggested she use:

• “Mom, I want to make sure you have a wonderful time at this family event. What can I do to help you?”
• “I have to use the restroom quite frequently myself these days. Is that a problem for you, too?”
• “Would you like me to carry extra supplies of personal hygiene products in my purse?”
• “How about if we both use the bathroom together throughout the event?”

Cara told me the event was a success.  Her mother-in-law appreciated her kind words and help. (No need for her son to be involved in this “ladies only” crucial conversation.)

“She wanted to take a small handbag, so I carried extra supplies in my purse. We visited the restroom every half hour. No accidents at all. It was a great day.”

By facing the tough talk™ with the other person in mind, thinking through the words to say, and keeping the conversation to “just the girls,” Cara made this difficult discussion a win-win for all.

For an in depth look at the 5 step CHECK® system for handling difficult topics, order Tough Talks™ in Tough Times: What Bosses Need to Know to Deliver Bad News, Motivate Employees & Stay Sane.  The CHECK® system works at work and at home.

Let me know how I can help you with your difficult discussion. Send your tough talks™ questions to me at Jean@ToughTalks.biz. Or you can post your comments on this blog.

Here is a video about overcoming the fear of public speaking. In it, I offer five proven techniques to make these kinds of tough talks even easier.

For more hints on speaking in public, Powerful Presentation Road Maps is now available as an ebook. Here’s a brief summary and information on how you can get a copy of it.